What is the typical exfoliation cycle for elbows and heels?

Perhaps because the changing weather makes my skin particularly sensitive, I can really feel it drying out my whole body lately. I don't think it used to be this bad. The white flakes on my elbows, which are visible whenever I wear shorter sleeves, and on my heels—which I worry about when wearing sandals—look so messy that I'm incredibly stressed. Every time I look in the mirror, I get self-conscious about these white powdery bits, and it makes me feel self-conscious even when I go out.

So, I've been trying to take good care of my exfoliation every time I shower, but it's much harder to control than I thought. If I get greedy and scrub hard with an Italian towel or a rough scrub, it feels smooth for a moment, but my skin quickly turns red and stings, so I get scared that I might actually damage my skin barrier. I'm worried that doing it too often will make my skin sensitive, but if I just leave it alone, it looks messy. I'm really struggling to figure out how to resolve this situation.

I'm curious how often you all usually schedule your self-exfoliation at home! I think scrubbing once or twice a week might be sufficient, but if my skin is very dry, would it be a better choice to reduce physical irritation altogether and just apply a highly moisturizing lotion or oil every day? Or do you have any special tips or tricks for managing it as a routine by setting specific days?

Please share any real secrets for exfoliating that can keep particularly hard and rough areas, like elbows or heels, soft and smooth without irritation! Even small tips, like products to apply after showering or effective methods to soften dead skin cells, would be a huge help to me. I want to take this opportunity to properly care for my skin so that I no longer worry about flaky skin and can confidently show off my smooth complexion. I look forward to hearing your valuable experiences and advice!